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Although menopause is not “official” for a full year after your last menstrual period, irregular periods are a sign of approaching menopause. Once menopause is reached, you will no longer be fertile (by definition) and you will experience:

- Vaginal dryness

- Hot flashes

- Sleep disturbances

- Mood swings

- Increased abdominal fat

- Thinning hair

- Loss of breast fullness

Yikes! Nothing here sounds pleasant. But the larger concern is whether all this means that you cease to be a sexual being, that sex stops being an important or desired aspect of your life. The answer is emphatically, No!

While going through menopause, it sometimes seems as if your desire for sex will go away. Vaginal dryness hardly sounds like an invitation to a satisfying sex life. However, while many people (men and women) believe that menopause means less sexual desire, the truth is much more nuanced. It is certainly not necessarily true that menopause means less sexual desire. For a large number of women sex after menopause is as enjoyable – even more enjoyable – than it was before menopause.

Without the worry about pregnancy and with other aspects of your life more settled (children grown up, or nearly so, you and your partner finally alone for what is, many times, the first time since you married) many women enjoy the best sex of their lives.

For Arlene, that required going through both the grieving process and menopause. But when she was settled with both, she began to see the benefits in the same way a married woman would. She didn’t have children who were grown so the “empty nest” experience didn’t apply, but she and her partner were finished paying for their mortgage, they were settled professionally, they became more free to take small vacations and enjoy each other’s company.

It is true that getting older often means it takes a little longer to feel sexually aroused and the sexual act likewise is more leisurely (another reason that many married women enjoy sex more after menopause – their husbands are also older and do not climax so quickly.) Yes, a small decrease in sexual desire might be part of the aging process but the trade-off in sexuality can be a net plus. Growing older doesn’t mean that sex is over.

If you experience a continued loss of sexual desire after menopause don’t necessary blame menopause or “getting older.” You may need to look at psychological or physical reasons. There might be other causes, causes that can be addressed. Medications to treat high blood pressure (anti-hypertensive medication) or tranquilizers for anxiety or anti-depressants can contribute to altered libido.

Chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, and arthritis can reduce libido, as can that same self-image you might have struggled with when you were younger. So too, the stress you deal with on a daily basis.

Many people assume that reduced estrogen (a female hormone) is responsible for diminished sexual desire after menopause. However, researchers have determined that the largest factors that determine post-menopausal sexuality include attitudes toward sexuality, overall health and the status of your relationship with your partner. Estrogen levels are not responsible for diminished sexuality in menopausal women. Decreased estrogen’s have an effect on vaginal dryness and therefore result in painful intercourse.

In short, menopause puts a fine point on the fact that sexuality is a lifelong reality and how you deal with your sexuality as a young woman can and will impact your sexuality as a middle-aged woman and as an older woman. Researchers have discovered that the only women who experience the loss of sexual desire post-menopause are those women who believed that the loss of sexual interest is a normal part of the aging process.

Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Clearly, menopause doesn’t have to mean the end of sexuality.